One Yes, Many Ripples
Saying “yes” to being a foster parent looks like just one person’s decision, but it isn’t. In part 1, we talked about practical ways to support foster families and foster care, now let’s talk the bigger picture and the ripple effect.
When I first dove into the foster care world and signed up to be a foster parent, I thought it would impact my life. It would end up being a life changing thing for myself. My world very well may be turned upside down and I was going to be busy trying to keep up with appointments and court dates and paperwork. Notice how all of those are about how it would affect me? As I’m currently on a break after two long term kiddos left after almost two years, I’ve had time to reflect and process things a bit more clearly.
Years ago, I had no idea how becoming a foster parent was going to affect those around me as well. Looking back, the ripple effect is evident. What starts in one heart rarely stays there. From the moment I started really talking about it and learning more in 2020, to taking the initial training classes in 2021, to now. None of us are the same. Of course, time changes things, but we are all at least a sliver more aware and can’t unknow these things that this journey has brought to light. God has been at work the whole time, planting this call and path in my heart and the hearts of those around me. It doesn’t mean He makes everything work out the way that we think it should, but it reminds me to surrender to Him throughout the day so that I am in His will, not my own. My plans and dreams are nothing compared to the goodness and miracles that God has in store.
Family in the Middle of It
While my family was initially reluctant to my plans to foster, they still supported me— hesitantly. I don’t know if they thought I wouldn’t follow through, would discover it to be too difficult, or what all of their first thoughts were, but I know how they ended up. After the first days of having the first kiddo long term, they were quickly all in. Just like me, they fell in love with this sweet child that needed cared for while family worked on things.
Through this process, they learn how things work alongside me. In the beginning especially, my mom went to appointments with me as I was new to this mom thing. I had babysat and been around kids my entire life, but hadn’t been fully responsible for their needs day and night like I suddenly was. She answered my questions, calmed me and brought me back to reality when I was panicking, and so much more. She still does these things. She also watches the kiddos in my care during the day while I’m at work. Finding daycare for littles in my area is difficult, as it is many places, especially in the case of foster families, where you aren’t “expecting” by a particular due date. Calling last minute with changes to the age, potty training skills, and more, is stressful. Paying for it is another ordeal. So, my mom being able to take that on is a blessing.
Being single, my dad and brother naturally take on the godly, male figure in the children’s life while in my home, whether they realize it or not. It’s a piece that I’ll admit made me hesitant at first. I fully believe that children should grow up in a home with a mother and father. I know there are situations that life brings that cause that to change or not be, but that is why it’s so much more critical that within my support system I have godly men to be involved in this journey while the children are in my home.
Getting to walk through the new mom experience with my sister-in-law was fun for the family and for the kids. When the kids left my home, it was heartbreaking for all of us. A suddenly quite home, my mom’s schedule open, my nieces’ friends gone, is challenging. The toddlers are old enough to understand that the other isn’t there anymore, but not old enough to understand where the other is or why they left. In all the grief that comes with a goodbye after such a long time, that is probably one of the hardest pieces, watching the effects of their little friendships and not being able to explain it in a way their developing minds and hearts will understand.
My family are my biggest supporters here on earth and keep me in check with reality as I push those boundaries. I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do this without them. Someday, I’ll say a next “yes” and we’ll love and care for a child in need all over again, in spite of it breaking our hearts wide open. Because while they didn’t sign up to foster, God clearly called them into the story too.
God sustains us through the sickness when we pass it between our three homes, taking turns helping one another as the others heal and rest. God sustains us through the waiting of court dates, meetings, extensions, the unknowns and uncertainty. God sustains us through the joy that the children bring into our lives, and the heartbreak that sits right alongside it. We have been able to grieve together after a hard goodbye, and talk about the memories with sadness and joy. Even when we can’t see the whole picture, we are all learning to trust God more. Knowing that our joy followed by heartache is worth it as long as God is center of it all.
Friends and Church Stepping In
Becoming a foster parent has set in motion a beautiful ripple effect with friends and within my church. It has opened up conversations with others that want to know more about foster care. In the last two years, I’ve found that many people simply aren’t aware of the foster care system. Of course, they know it exists, but maybe they haven’t known someone involved in it, or haven’t taken the time to learn about it. Questions that are asked and comments that are made are generally well intended. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “Do you have to buy everything for the kids on your own or does the state help?”, or “How do you do this as a single mom? What made you decide to do this?”. Many people are seeking out information to better understand the system and its needs, hear my story and why, or to get involved themselves.
I welcome questions about foster care, while the details about a child, their family, and their case aren’t mine to share. My church has come alongside myself, the kids and my family to provide meals, gift cards, encouragement, and prayers throughout my first two years as a foster parent. They have loved on the children and begun to open their hearts to the need in an ongoing basis. Several other families have begun fostering and I can’t wait to watch the awareness and hopefully foster homes, spread.
Becoming a foster parent has brought connections that I didn’t know I needed. It has grown my community, support, and friendships. God has been faithful in this and brought me out of my comfort zone in staying connected with others. I am not someone who generally asks for help, but God keeps reminding me how important it is to accept it when it’s offered. Galatians 6:2 talks about carrying one another’s burdens. If I never take the help, I miss out on the joy of living that verse out together—and I deny the other person the chance to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Support at Work
Within my work community in education, we have had some trauma training throughout the last several years. Many of the things that we’ve learned and continue to learn end up being applicable to foster care as well. I’ve had students in the past and present that are in the foster care system, whether in kinship homes or foster homes. Being directly involved in foster care now, gives me a bit of a different perspective, and I see those trainings through a whole new lens.
My team has been behind me in the process from day one and I appreciate them so much. They’ve checked in on the kids, checked in on me, asked if they could do anything, and supported me through the ups and downs. Sometimes that has looked like covering for me when I had to step out for a court date or appointment and no sub picked up, or simply extending extra grace when I showed up tired after a long night with a baby. Something those moms can relate to. Those things may seem small, but they reflect compassion in action.
Even more, I know my coworkers have carried pieces of this journey home to their own families—sharing about a colleague who fosters, or what it’s like to see the system through my eyes. I’ve gotten to have some of those conversations. That means more conversations are happening about foster care outside of our workplace too. Awareness spreads, compassion grows, and the ripple widens.
Having my work community be there for me and my family makes a great impact. The emotions and things I feel, they often feel them too as they’ve opened their hearts on this journey. Your coworkers matter. At the end of the day, it’s just a job—but the people you’re surrounded by can multiply the impact of your “yes”.
The Bigger Picture
Social media has been something I’ve used to learn more about foster care since I started down this path. It’s brought connections and community, even through a screen. Even though I don’t know most of these families in person, their stories have tied us together. Online, you see both the heartbreak and the beauty—the struggles of a broken system and the glimpses of redemption. Both have shaped me and helped me learn.
Long before I even signed up to foster, I spent a lot of time searching for other foster parents on social media. I wanted to follow along and read their experiences so I would have a better idea of what I was stepping into. Following pieces of their journeys was both encouraging and scary—much like most of foster care.
When I searched, I only found a couple of single foster moms working full time and walking with Christ. That gap is part of what sparked my vision to start sharing my own story. My hope is that what I write can be that encouragement for someone else who is searching, just like I was.
Ultimately, I pray everything I share points back to Jesus. Because without Him, I couldn’t do this. I would fail in my own strength, but with His strength and direction, I am able to stand firm in this calling—brokenness and all.
Forever Changed
Foster care will change you. It didn’t just change me, but those around me. And that’s good. If we’re not changed by this holy work, then we’re not doing it well. It should leave us forever different. Forever learning and growing.
Our actions, words, and thoughts all carry weight. They affect the children, the families, the workers, and the communities we interact with. The choices I make—whether to speak life into a bio family, to love a child fully even knowing the heartbreak, or to advocate when it’s uncomfortable—each one matters.
What I’ve seen is that God multiplies our “yes.” My yes to fostering has never just been mine—it’s been my family’s, my church’s, my coworkers’, and even people I’ll never meet who have prayed and supported us from afar. He takes our willingness to step into the unknown, our prayers for restoration, our trust that miracles still happen, and He does more than we could ever imagine.
God has stretched me and pulled me closer to Himself through this journey, closer than I’ve been in a long time. I wouldn’t trade the heartache, tears, frustrations, or struggles, because He’s used every single one to draw me nearer. And when He calls me to say yes again, I know He’ll surround me with people I need—just as He has every time before.
This is Part 2 of my series “Beyond the Yes: Foster Care and the Gift of Community”. Read Part 1 here. Stay tuned for Part 3.